MUSIC: The Microscopic Septet "Fool's Errand" from BEAUTY BASED ON SCIENCE (THE VISIT)

                      NARRATOR
          And now - Random Field Trips!
          Today we visit the home of a
          man whose lips have been
          glued together in the middle,
          and whose tongue is stuck to
          his palate.

INT. DAY - APARTMENT

An anonymous apartment. Time of day is unknown. PAUL waits in a chair.

                      PAUL
          Hmm hmm hmm...

A knock on the door. Here and throughout, it sounds exactly like Paul's lips are glued together in the middle and his tongue is stuck to his palate:

                      PAUL
          Cm bin!

The door opens. BILL enters.

                      BILL
          Mister Anderson? Hello! I'm
          Blake, William Blake, but you
          can call me Bill.

                      PAUL
          Hh Bll, I'm Pll.

                      BILL
          Hm?... Oh, Paul! Paul. Nice
          to meet you. I'll be your new
          speech therapist. I thought
          we might start today with
          some simple exercises, and
          then move on to something
          ridiculously complex and
          difficult. Okay?

                      PAUL
          Glt!

                      BILL
          Fine. Well, let's begin...
          How DID your lips get glued
          together, by the way? If you
          don't mind my asking.

                      PAUL
          Wll, it's a little psnl.

                      BILL
          A little personal. I
          understand. Of course I would
          never tell anyone. I am a
          professional - it would
          remain in the strictest
          confidence.

                      PAUL
          Wll...I hd a bonning
          acchkthlp.

                      BILL
          A boating accident!....
          Really... Involving glue?

                      PAUL
              (beat)
          Yth.

                      BILL
          Well I think we'll leave it
          at that. Okay - let's start
          by vocalizing. Just saying a
          lot of different words. Here
          are some cards...
               (hands him cards)
          Just lists of things in
          random categories. Here's a
          good one, breeds of dogs.
          Let's try that. I say it, and
          then you say it. Okay? Irish
          Setter.

                      PAUL
          Irsh Str.

                      BILL
          Good. Poodle.

                      PAUL
          Pl.

                      BILL
          Very good. Pomeranian.

                      PAUL
          Pmmrnnm.

                      BILL
          Shar-pei.

                      PAUL
          Hrl puh.

                      BILL
          ...mm hm. Dachshund.

                      PAUL
          Dchan.

                      BILL
          Doberman.

                      PAUL
          Dhmn.

                      BILL
          Very good. Border Collie.

                      PAUL
          Bll cll.

                      BILL
          Greyhound.

                      PAUL
          Gehhnd.

                      BILL
          Very good. I almost
          understood that. Golden
          Retriever.

                      PAUL
          Gln Reeerrr.

                      BILL
          Pit bull.

                      PAUL
          Pit bull.

                      BILL
          Fantastic! I understood that!

                      PAUL
               (getting excited)
          Pit bull!

                      BILL
          Wonderful.

                      PAUL
          Pit bull!... Pit bull! Pit
          bull!

                      BILL
          Yes, that's great. Let's move
          on.

                      PAUL
               (quietly)
          Pit bull.

                      BILL
          Shh.

The doorbell rings.

                      MAILMAN
               (from outside)
          Mailman!

Mail SHOOTS THROUGH THE SLOT in the door and lands at Bill's feet.

                      BILL
          Oh, the mail's arrived. I'll
          open it, shall I?

He RIPS OPEN a letter.

                      BILL
          Oh, it's a letter from your
          attorney! I'll read it out
          loud so the people watching
          this can understand. "Dear
          Paul; Found your wife, found
          your boat, found your wife
          AND your boat, glued HER lips
          together, that'll teach her,
          ha ha. Sincerely,
          Diocletian." Whoops!

                      PAUL
          Slt!

MUSIC: One-and-one-half seconds of "Fool's Errand", which cuts off abruptly.

TITLE CARD: THE END