However these odd and delicate creatures cannot survive without some care, regardless of how infrequently it is given. A gardener must be present to trim the flowers, pat them, fuss over them. There must be someone there to give them the occasional tug or, indeed, to pull them fully from the ground and throw them away. Someone is needed to poison them with weedkiller, yank them from iris beds, flowerboxes and pots, and run them down in clumps with the lawnmower.

Yes, the only thing wildflowers really need is the chance to annoy. If the gardener dies, runs away or simply stops caring, the flowers wilt and the sound of their laughter nevermore fills the air.