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USEFUL TIPS ON MOVIEMAKING that you should remember while filming your movie by Robbie Age 11 Hello. I have never made a movie, but I like to see movies in the movie theater, and a big thrill of my life has always been to see movies and enjoy them. So I have come up with some simple rules to help moviemakers make movies so an audience can enjoy them like I do. If you follow these rules you will be a real filmmaker. I could be a real filmmaker if I wanted to. I just don’t want to right now.
Always remember the photographer’s cardinal rule: There are 800 footcandles to one megajoule.
You don’t need to shoot the scenes in the movie in the order they are in the movie. My friend Bill did once, though. And he shot it in black and white. But he is a show-off. He thinks he is Orson Bean.
Your movie will be a guaranteed success if you include this line of dialogue at least once: “I need backup assistance now! Now, g___mmit, now!!!” (I’m not allowed to say g___mmit.) The line should be spoken by a janitor. The janitor doesn’t need to be an undercover cop. He can just be a janitor. Your audience will laugh because the janitor called for backup assistance. This is a joke. Put in a lot of jokes.
Put in lots of action. I saw this movie once where a car went WHZZZZZZRRRRRRRRR! and then it hit the side of the mountain and then it flew right over the railing and went WHOOOOOSH! and PCKOW! smashed into the ocean. Do one like that!
If you’re nervous about doing a sex scene, just try to imagine that everyone in the audience is also naked.
I am a very good actor. I can act very well. I am five foot two inches tall and I am free from now until November except during camp.
If you follow these rules you will make a good film. In conclusion you will make a very good film if you follow my rules. Thank you.
©1998 Robbie
A note from Robbie’s mom: Robbie’s spending his summer at the Stevie Spielberg Junior Enrichment Film School and Summer Camp, which operates every year in the Hollywood National Wilderness Area above Beverly Hills. He’s really excited and has even been sending us little quizzes, which we fill out as best we can. Then every week he calls home, scores our tests and grills us on our mistakes. When our own little Kurosawa comes home we expect he’ll already have his first short feature under his belt, complete with distribution deal. The camp counselors say it’s just a hop, skip and a jump from there to feature directing, and then the cash will start to roll in. Hel--lo kitchen remodel! Or maybe we’ll finally take that European trip. Of course, Bob’s got his heart set on golfing in Pahrump, but Robbie would probably think that was boring, so I’m sure it’s Hydroland Thrill Park for us again this August. Ah, to be young and swimming in loot! Well, see you soon – Bev |